Growing Romance Through the Seasons of Parenting
Is your marriage suffering from a lack of romance? Many couples are locked into the same tired routine but aren’t sure how to break out of it. Other couples get so busy they hardly have time left to think about romance. How do you balance the demands of parenting, maintaining a home and being a romantic and engaging spouse?
The first step is to teach your children that they cannot be more important than God and your spouse. Kids will take all your time — if you let them. Your marriage will not grow if your kids are allowed to dictate every minute of your lives. Set aside time for your spouse; in fact, schedule a block of time each evening if you have to. The next step is to realize two childhood seasons typically threaten romance more than others: the preschool years and the teenage years.
The preschool season
When we had preschoolers, Dennis and I found time alone by hiring a baby sitter and going out for dinner. We also arranged a few out-of-town weekends. But as our family continued to grow, going out became increasingly difficult. So we opened Café Rainey.
Occasionally, while I got the kids to bed, Dennis prepared dinner and brought it to our bedroom. While enjoying dinner alone, we’d talk in complete sentences, interact and laugh. Sometimes the evening progressed into physical intimacy, because we took time for romance.
Those special dates at home were lifesavers for our marriage for about five years. We still went out occasionally, and we tried to get away for a weekend or two a year, but these times at home gave us another option for keeping our marriage healthy.
The teen season
How do you maintain romance when a teenager might barge into your room without warning? One night, our daughter plowed into our room. I remember how Dennis sat straight up and said, “Honey, one of these days you’re going to get a sex education you will never forget!”
After a moment of silence, she said, “Gross!”
She never came into our bedroom again without knocking.
Apart from the privacy issue — we needed to set some boundaries and get a lock — we quickly realized the only way we could have uninterrupted time with each other was to leave home. We began a weekly date every Sunday night, a tradition we maintained until our last one left for college.
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